The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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