You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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