I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
