i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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