Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
ok first of all what the fuck
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
