Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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