Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
