She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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