You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
