He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
