Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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