Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
