I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
