what if every blade of grass was a penis?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
