What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
