So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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