"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
