worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
