Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
