perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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