did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
