i don't like sucking hair
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
