3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
