Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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