You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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