JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
