I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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