The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
