He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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