did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
