im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We have so much sex to catch up on
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize