Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
