you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
