Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
