you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize