We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
