why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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