Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
