So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
