yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
