I met the friendliest cop last night
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
