come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
