My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This girl is more easily done than said...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
