god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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