In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
