Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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