I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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