yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
