god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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