2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
