just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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