You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
