He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
