People in love make me want to vomit
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
