What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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