I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize