he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
