I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She even gives head with a lisp.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
