cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize