I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pants are for mortals
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
