Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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