I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
