You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
