hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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