The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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