somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize