What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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