omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
