plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
