I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
