Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize