we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
