You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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