shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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