I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She bit a glass in half.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize