Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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