hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
