drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
