i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
