what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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