Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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