I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
