Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
