We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
