I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
