Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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