Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
