Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
the liver wants what the liver wants
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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