At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
