Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
