I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
