The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
