we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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