so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
