my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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