What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
