my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
