I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
