It's like God shit irony all over that family
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
