She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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