so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize