That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
