All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
