Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Randomize
