If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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