dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
