I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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