So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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