remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
