remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize