My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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