If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
