and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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