Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
