we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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