I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
