Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
